HELPING CHILDREN MANAGE STRESS

By Ron Kerner, Ph.D.

As adults, we are very aware of stress and the way it affects our lives. Positive stress keeps us alert, motivated, and focused on the task at hand. Negative stress causes us to perform inefficiently. In fact, unhealthy stress has been successfully linked to nervous disorders, hypertension, and heart disease. As common a topic as stress is in our own lives, we are often unaware that children, too, experience stress. Because most children have not yet learned how to manage life’s pressures, stress can cause them physical and emotional damage. Common physical reactions to stress by children include frequent headaches, stomach aches, nervous tics, and colds. Some emotional signs of stress are withdrawal, moodiness, anxiety, and sleep and eating problems.

Since each of us responds differently to people and events, stress can be caused by anything from the weather forecast, to a school exam, to a party. Some common causes of stress for children at school include:

• demands from teachers
• grades, exams, homework
• teasing by other children
• fear of physical harm at or on the way to school
• insecurity about one’s looks, clothing, athletic ability, etc.
• rejection by friends, girlfriend or boyfriend
• death or suicide of another child
• pressure to use drugs and alcohol
• pressure to join a group or gang
• starting a new term or new school
• moving to a new neighborhood

Here are some methods that will help children to reduce their mental stress.

Using Imagination and Theory

A child’s imagination can be used to help control the symptoms of stress through guided visual imagery. This technique consists of helping the child imagine a pleasant scene, and imagine that he or she is a part of it. For example, you could ask the child to imagine being at the beach, and to describe the sights, sounds, smells, tastes, and the feelings experienced there. The child could imagine finding a safe or special place where he or she can learn how to solve problems through his or her special strengths.

Changing Beliefs, Attitudes and Emotions

Individual beliefs can cause any two people to feel very differently about the same event. Children’s emotional reactions are influenced by their beliefs and attitudes about events in their lives. Often the beliefs behind stressful reactions are not obvious, but good communication skills can help bring these beliefs to the surface. Once known, we can help the child determine if the beliefs make sense.

Focusing on the Present and on the Positive

Seeing the negative side of things can result in unwanted stress. Many individuals, some of them children, see danger, catastrophe and failure lurking around every corner. Virtually all the negative ways to interpret events are learned while growing up. Just as they were learned, they can be unlearned. New, more positive ways of thinking can replace them. Parents and teachers can help children to change negative thinking.

Ways to Encourage Positive Thoughts and Behavior in Children

• Be aware of the child’s negative thinking and look for opportunities to make it positive.
• Find out why the child sees the negative in something.
• Let the child know that seeing the negative instead of the positive is a choice.
• Help the child stop dwelling on the past and focus on the future.
• Help the child see the potential results of maintaining his/her beliefs about the situation.
• Help the child see that there are many ways to view a problem.

This was an excerpt from Understanding Childhood Stress from the Family Forum Series available through The Bureau For At-Risk Youth.

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