ANGER VS. ABUSE

By Kerry Moles, CSW, author of Strategies for Anger Management, The Relationship Workbook and The Teen Relationship Workbook, for Wellness Reproductions

As the Director of a domestic violence services program, an important part of my work is educating people -- both clients and other helping professionals -- about the difference between anger and abuse. Many people confuse the two issues, and it's an important distinction for anyone wishing to address problem behaviors in either area.

Anger is an emotion, usually layered on top of other emotions and often resulting from a fear or threat. Although it often gets a bad rap, anger is a normal human emotion that everyone experiences and is actually healthy. Trying to avoid anger altogether usually just leads to "bottling" emotions that eventually explode. Effective anger management focuses on identifying and understanding the emotions underlying the anger, processing those emotions, and getting the majority of one's emotional needs met in a way that is constructive, rather than destructive, to either the person experiencing them or others.

Abuse is a behavior that is often associated with anger, but is actually rooted in the desire to gain power and control, rather than an anger management problem. Most people who are abusive to others -- whether the abuse takes the form of physical, emotional, sexual aggression (or all of the above) -- are actually acting with a great deal of control, rather than being out of control. They may believe their gender, status, race or belief system entitles them to more power than the other person or group of people. Or they may feel such a lack of power and control on a personal level that they try to compensate by stealing someone else's power and control.

People who are abusive usually behave this way only to people who fit into certain categories – for example, intimate partners, children, people of different races, religions or sexual orientations. These are categories of people who generally have less power, either in the home or in society, than they do, and so their abusive behavior is either condoned, ignored, or has minimal consequences. They may genuinely be angry at these people, but they are choosing to act on their anger through abusive tactics, whereas they are able to "manage" their anger toward people who they perceive as having equal or greater status or when there will be serious consequences to their behavior.

I believe that most people who have a genuine desire and motivation to change their behavior can do so. However it is important that they first be able to distinguish between their anger and other emotions, abusive behavior, and non-abusive methods of conflict resolution.

You can read an interview with Kerry Moles on anger management from The Guidance Channel Zine by clicking here!

FEATURED RESOURCE: STRATEGIES FOR ANGER MANAGEMENT


This book is a tool for educators and health-care professionals to help teens and adults learn how to cope with anger in healthier ways. Chock-full with reproducible worksheets, this practical resource is divided into three sections: Understanding Anger, Interventions for Anger Management and Conflict Resolution, and The Differences Between Anger and Abuse. Each of the 34 topics covered has one or more reproducible worksheets and a Facilitator’s Information Sheet with creative suggestions for use in group or individual sessions. To find out how you can purchase this valuable counseling tool, click here!

ABOUT KERRY MOLES

Kerry Moles, CSW, received her undergraduate degree in professional writing and her Master's in social work. She has worked extensively in the fields of child welfare and domestic violence in Los Angeles, Austin, Texas, and the New York City area. Kerry is a consultant and trainer who has facilitated hundreds of workshops for young people and professionals on issues of domestic violence, teen relationship abuse, sexual assault, conflict resolution and other related topics.

Ms. Moles is the author of several therapeutic workbooks offering reproducible activities, including the new Strategies for Anger Management, The Relationship Workbook, and The Teen Relationship Workbook. All of these titles are currently available through Wellness Reproductions and Publishing.

LOOKING FOR HANDS-ON COUNSELING TOOLS?

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FYI FROM WELLNESS ARCHIVES AND OTHER HELPFUL ARTICLES FROM WELLNESS REPRODUCTIONS

All of the past articles of FYI From Wellness are currently available on The Guidance Channel website. There you will find articles on group assessment procedures, humor in group therapy, the benefits of therapeutic recreation, and much more. To access the archives, click here! If you are looking for additional articles, check out our monthly Wellness column on The Guidance Channel website.

FOR ADDITIONAL NEWSLETTERS...

If you've found FYI From Wellness useful and informative, you may also be interested in subscribing to some of our other newsletters. The Counselor's Classroom is one-of-a-kind, professional development tool offering weekly lessons on innovative techniques specifically designed for today's school counselor. Dr. Playwell's Newsletter is a unique newsletter full of play therapy techniques to help you address the social and emotional needs of children and young adolescents. The Guidance Channel Zine is a monthly online magazine that includes interviews, website reviews, statistics and articles by many national organizations such as the National Association of School Psychologists, the American School Counselor Association and National S.A.V.E. (Students Against Violence Everywhere). To subscribe to these newsletters, click here!

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