At one time or another, a parent is likely to hear "Mommy, I'm scared." Whether instigated by a bad dream, a scary movie or a thunderstorm, those words are just one way for your child to tell you that he's unsure about his safety. With the current state of affairs in the United States, our children are becoming frightened and some parents aren't sure what or how much information to share. What seems to be the most helpful is to understand your child's age, knowledge base, and ability to process information.

For example, your six-year-old may simply ask what war is since he sees the firearms on television. Your sixth grader, at age twelve, might ask you questions about war and whether the war will happen here in the United States. Your sixteen-year-old may think that fighting wars is senseless and she might want to be an advocate for peace. At each stage of life, your children will have a special level of understanding. Below, I will offer some guidelines for answers.

The Six-Year-Old

A look at the faces of innocent children is enough to worry each of us since their futures are based on our adult actions. That means, curtail your emotions when you feel very upset and confide in adults who understand your concerns, not your child. Young children get their feelings of security and safety from the adults who care for them. When you are upset, they become upset. If that happens, throw your arms around your child and say, "Yes, Daddy is upset but I know that things are safe for us right now. Now, let's you and I go sit and read your favorite book." When your child is present, change the channel when television programs describe news or special broadcasts showing violence or gruesome details. Distract your child if he sees something disturbing after answering his question factually. Reassure, but don't say, "You shouldn't be scared." After all, we all get scared. Instead, say: "It's okay to be scared. Sometimes I get scared too. When that happens, I do something that makes me feel safer and I can do that for you too. Tell me, what can I do to make you feel safer right now."

The Twelve-Year-Old

When she asks questions, consider getting a history book and looking through historical facts that describe why wars came about and look at a map where they occurred. Talk about relatives who might have fought in wars and then returned home. Talk about the outcome of war and how people rebuilt their lives. Be interested in your child's questions and take each question literally, answering only what is asked and not offering too much more. For example if you are asked, "Why is there a war?" answer, "Because several countries are disagreeing on how to solve problems." Be cautious about extending your opinion too literally, your child may become confused, particularly if she is given factual information at school.

The Sixteen-Year-Old

Adolescents love to share their opinions and while sometimes their opinions are limited in scope, it is important to realize their limitations and conduct conversations with them that are respectful. Listen to their thoughts and acknowledge their opinion by saying: "I can see why you might be upset about the U.S. going to war, tell me more about what you think would be another way of solving the problem." Realize too, that sixteen-year-olds get scared when they are uncertain of their surroundings. Reassure them that you will tell him what to do if things become dangerous since he is your first priority.

The time preceding a possible war is stressful and frightening to us all. Rely on your family traditions and create new ones to distract yourselves from the problems at hand. Talk more, enjoy each day and tell each other how important he or she is to you. So if a war happens, you will join together and revel in each other’s care, feeling strong for the moment because you are together.